I’ve been so hurt by others around me, that i don’t realize when i’m hurting others. I think I’m so afraid to be close to anyone that sometimes i create problems that aren’t there just to push myself away from any further hurt to come. My mom has had her fair share of screw ups but how can i tell her to get over her problems and not take them out on me, when i can’t get over my problems, and i take them out on her. i want her to try, but i’m too scared. maybe that’s dumb to be scared to have a relationship with your own mother but she left my father after 15 years of marriage, and 3 kids. Someone I looked up too, I admired, I loved, that taught me right from wrong…. Boom. just like that, became someone i didn’t know. a stranger. her behavior, everything. i didn’t even know her anymore. And it wasn’t just her it was my father too. and the scariest part is i can see all their worst traits within myself at times. so much to the point that after i realize it, i just sit in silence because it freaks me out. I’m so angry that my mother wants me to go to therapy with her but wouldn’t go with my father. She’s a hypocrite in my eyes. But then again so am i. I want her and my father to stop lying to me, but yet i lie to them, i always tell them i’m fine when i’m not. This rant is becoming too personal. Even for tumblr. I hate the thought of being judged for my deepest feelings thats why i really only type them here, to get them out. but i think this is enough.